Kids Really Do Say The Darnedest Things

Killer Standup

There is not a gift more precious than a child’s laughter – but you'll be the one laughing once you read these hilarious and true children's quotes!

A little boy was having a very hard time adjusting to his new baby brother in the household. When he was told that he had to be quiet because the baby was asleep, the boy responded in all seriousness: "Well, the rest of you better be quiet, because my foot’s asleep!"

During a particularly violent thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her small child into bed when the boy stopped her from turning off the bedroom light. "Mommy, will you sleep in my bed tonight?" he asked, voice trembling. His mother smiled and said "I'm sorry, sweetie, but I have to sleep in Daddy’s bed." The boy was silent for awhile before uttering: "Daddy's a big sissy."

A woman's granddaughter had been learning her colors, so she decided that it would be fun to test her knowledge. After repeatedly asking her granddaughter what each color was and receiving correct answers, the grandmother was about to walk out of the room when her granddaughter huffily said: "You know, Grandma, you should try figuring these out for yourself once in awhile!"

After tucking her children into bed, a mother changed out of her daytime clothing and jumped in to a nice relaxing shower. However, her shower ended quickly, as she could hear her children begin to wrestle and call each other names. By the time she had stepped out of the shower and wrapped her body and hair in some towels, the children had become quite rambunctious. Annoyed, the mother flung open the door to the bedroom and demanded that her children go to bed. As she was walking down the hall, she heard her daughter turn to her sibling and say: "Who was that?"

One day, a man was driving his daughter home after school when he accidently pressed his car horn. Embarrassed, the father admitted to his daughter that he had done it by accident. "I know, Daddy” she replied. Curious, the father asked: "How do you know?" He could barely hold in his laughter when his daughter innocently replied: "Because you didn't yell JERK afterwards."

A new neighbor asked his next-door neighbor's three-year-old daughter if she had any siblings. "No," the little girl replied. "I'm the lonely child."

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